We all know that time old tale that we heard growing up about the Cardinals. When they appear in our yard, or in our sight it means that we are receiving a visit from a loved one that has passed on and they are showing us that they are here watching over us.
Maybe today I got that sign. Lately, I have found myself thinking a lot about 3 specific people. My Great-Grandma Edna, my Grandpa Ken and my Step-Dad Gene. I haven’t slept much in the last couple months either. Its seems that each time I fall asleep, I find them there in my dreams like they have never left and everything is ok. The only problem is, it isn’t ok. Because I wake up, and they are gone again. It is like having to say goodbye all over again. It is a heartache that just keeps replaying itself over and over again.
I have tried relentlessly to figure out why this is happening. Is it because I haven’t dealt with their death? Is it because I was closer to them throughout life or because I spent so much time around them? I can never seem to find the answer. And when I cant justify it, I end up beating myself up because, I realize that I don’t find myself thinking and reflecting on the passing of my biological father, when I feel like I should. But truth is, I know that he is truly better. With his health the way it was, this cruel world was no place for him. So why can’t I see it that way with the others?
My Great-Grandmas health and mind was starting to slip just before her passing, my Grandpa had kidney failure, and my Step-Dad… Well, the jury is still out on that one. But I do know that he was sick. To what extent, we don’t know. We could never get any straight answers from the doctors.
My whole point to this is that as I was looking out my window today, I saw 3 absolutely beautiful cardinals land together on a tree branch outside my window. They were so full and red. They just sat there and looked at me as I looked at them, and sang. And for the first time in a long time I felt at peace. For a moment I felt like everything was going to be ok, that everything that I am going through right now will pass, and a blanket of comfort came over me.
I always hope that they are there watching over me and are proud of the person that I am STILL becoming.
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